Top 15 Ways Cheese-Obsessed Professionally Hateful Ball-bag Faced Piers Morgan Voluntarily Listened To A BagPipe For Three Minutes. If you call me crazy one more time I swear to Beethoven's Sandwhich that I will burn you to the ground like the human tinderbox that you are, Mum! It was only when it came to Beef Madras that he had any idea what anything in this world was supposed to represent. If only there were a way to report sumulation bugs to our ineffable alien overlords.