14 Outrageous Lies About How The Pope's Favourite Bottom-Scraper Found To Have Over Three Anuses. Only when it came to it, Ron discovered to his disdain that he had no mouth. Or indeed any orifices at all, which went some way to explaining his slight depression and moribund sex life. Although it didn't really explain the mouth ulcers. The hamster, (who was called Cathedral and was a recently converted Zen Paganist, although he was yet to learn what this meant) had been practising his insouciant wiggle for some time.